gebremichael .

do you ever wonder what happens to the words that we send

do they bend, do they break from the flight that they take

and come back together again, with a whole new meaning

and a brand new sense, completely unrelated to the one i sent

i used to think last names where so powerful. when you share a last name with someone, you have bond from birth that nobody can take away from you. you are a smith, or a bell, no matter what you change your last name to.. you will always have that name in your blood, like it or not. although my father was always abusive, as a child i loved him. i was young, naive, and thought he was my dad. little did i know that other "dads" arent like him. a real dad would never leave his daughter without hesitation, after being in her life for eight years. yea, obviously it hurt to see him leave, but i was so young and stupid to believe the lies that he fed me. telling me, he'd visit and i'd visit.. and obviously, id see him again. okaay, so he sent me some video games, scooters, posters for like a couple months and called. it started with being daily, then bi-daily.. then weekly, then it just stopped. i remember how he used to call me weekly, and tell me im like fuel for his car, he needed to fill up every week in order to continue running. what a pile of shit right ? but yet i was dumb enough to believe him. he told me about his new wife, and how hes going to start a family. and he cant wait for me to come and visit him in vancouver. and now im so confused, i dont know why im crying. i dont love him. in fact, now when i look back on it, he brought more pain then happiness, but every girl needs a dad. he was my father, but i now realize, that he was never my dad. one day a couple years ago, boredom struck and i googled my last name. there it was, elsa gebremichael, saskatoon, sk. i couldnt believe it. it was her myspace. i was so excited, to get in contact with her again. i thought for sure she would love me to message her, because after all, i am her little sister right ? i was 15 at the time, and was angry with eyob, and even her. she's in a rock band and travelled across canada. she had visited winnipeg several times, and hadnt tried to contact her sister ? at that time i havent seen her in like 7 years but i thought about her often. obviously, the feelings werent reciprecated. so i messaged her, which i dont regret at all, and spoke out of anger. she messaged me back, just asking for my email address. i gave it to her, checked my email everyday, nothing. whatever, ill live. so as an adult, i found her facebook two weeks ago or so, and messaged her a very mature message saying that i hope she's doing well, but hows my brother, ben .. does he have an email address or something so i can contact him. you can probably guess how that ended. family, to me is the most important thing, and i thought that most people felt that way. people with values. i can now say that i am embarrassed to be a Gebremichael because from what i've witnessed, Gebremichael's are heartless. that is the exact opposite of what my family & i are. i mean, c'mon .. at least be sympathetic to the time that i speent ..