hoolla if yu got me, nd fuck yu if you had me .

[cntdwn : 2 days]

fucked up week , elsa msgd me back, didnt expect her to reply. it caught me totally off guard. with so much going on in my life, all my emotions just surfaced. father never called back. probably'll forget for another 11 years, only this times different cuz i couldnt care less. eyobs parole officer called, were set to go. should be refreshing in way, just knowing that our family will be able to talk face to face. christmas is coming, and because were going thru so much shit right now, i think were going to scratch the whole turkey, mashed potato etc. dinner, and rent movies / eat pizza & wings. but obviously open presents. been working so much, gettin that paper .. still need to make movements on my tattoo. ambers being shiesty / distant , dont kno what to do bout that .. let it go ? syke naaw . reach out more . christmas shoppings almost done, gotta get part 2 of stephs present, part 2 of moms present, and aunt b's . with so much goin on, makes my time valuable aka dont have time for you. sorry for sendin mixed signals but i realized im not going to settle.
wings tonite ? i hope so. ttylAtAaHh player.

hooolla,
xO.r

better late than never ?

was told that im supposed to fail, i wouldnt amount to much of nothin

yes i pray, nd there was days i wondered if you really loved me

so hinted, and angry w. all of the world, just wishin youd come back nd see

my difficult times with bein an adolscent and like so many just like me

w i t h o u t a s h o u l d e r t o l e a n

why now, after 10 years you decide to call and say hi ? like okay.. bye. i dont understand what you expected to come out of that conversation. saying your my daddy ? naw nigga, i dont kno you. you maybe my father but shiet, you aint my dad. but i guess somethings never change. whoever said with age came wisdom sure all hell did not meet alem gebremichael. he's just as bitter and in denial as he was 10 years ago and frankly, it makes me sick. i mean, grow the fuck up cuz im not a niave eight year old anymore.. im not going to believe all your bullshit. when i was eight, i was in need of a father figure. someone to teach me how to drive. someone to shoot hoops with and even come to my basketball games. someone to just be there like a regular father .. i didnt need a superdad, a normal one would have been more than enough, but apparently that was too much to ask for. im am now 18 years old. an adult. i dont need a father anymore. i dont need you. especially if your the same guy from 10 years ago. unless he changes, needs a kidney, or is somehow going to benefit who i am/trying to be.. i see no need for him in my life. adios amigos.

p.s. thanks to g, k, s, d ♥ .. you helped way more than you`ll ever know.

hooolla,

xO.r

[ cntdwn : 9 days ]

well you got my attention now

i cant let you down

your lyrics and your sound

imagine me and you

what we gon do

j u s t l i s t e n

for the break down

8 / 12 = 67 peercent .

[ cntdwn : 11 days ]

christmas shopping list ;


- mom
- grandma
- aunt m
- aunt b
- uncle l
- uncle a
- cousins
- gabby
- debbie
- lisa
- amber
- steph

.. i hope im not forgetting anyone .

hooolla ,
xO.r

future fortune 500 : genesis incorporated .

we cried together, laughed together, and dreamt together. i love this girl so much thats why it hurts to see her settle and be unhappy. she deserves so much and to think that she put aside her dreams to please someone who doesnt appreciate her makes me sick. all i wish is that she comes home for the holidays and spends it with her family. everything happens for a reason right ? if so, i guess we'll all have to wait for the reason to expose itself. until then, we'll all be here because no one can make this decision for her.

which brings me to my second point ..

cooming to a city near you, waatch out y`aall .. genesis inc. by rachel gebremichael and rebecca daniels . this is our dream . she will run the promotion and real estate side of the business and i, the retail and law side of it. together we're unstoppable. i hope she hasnt forgotten while shes out there, cuz i sure havent.

hooolla ,

xO.r

e fortAY from the bAY, ay BAY BAYY ..

i promise mama, imma do it cuz i know i put you through it

i just want you to sit around with your friends at the dinner table and say

"my baby's famous and i kneeeeeeeew it"

[ cntdwn : 15 days ]

so i made a little progress with my christmas shopping. skipped school so i can get the rest of this shit doooone . shit's been stressing me the fuuck out. so i got gabby's, debbie's, and lisa's. if all goes well i should get mom's, aunt m's, amber's, uncle L, uncle A, and grandma's today. hooly faack thats alot. then another day i gotta get steph's, and aunt b's. then i think i got them all. plannin on getting my tatty in january hopefully. been doin a lil research and apparently the rib/side is the most painful spot possible. lmao daang, i gotta champ this one out, artists dont even recommend it as your first tattyy either. should i get it in chicago or here is my question ? lol and im already thinking bout my 2nd tattoo which i think is going to be inside my bottom lip. either im going to get eyob put in there, or something family oriented and/or gebremichael writen on the back of head/hairline above my neck. the one on my side is going to be a bible verse tattooed in black ink right underneath the bra straapppppp. brap braap. all i have to do is wait til dec.11 cuz thats when my mom is going to list me all her favorite bible verses and pick one out together.. fyi, dec.11 is when shes done her exams. i think i'll take her out to red lobster or olive garden or something. dunnooo yet. so yesterday was kinda intense. mom brought up again how she doesnt want to celebrate christmas this year. how she'd be fine just going to church and not going to the dinner with the family, and just chill at home. and if she did go to the dinner it'll only be to make me happy. which doesnt make me happy at all. but whateverrrrrrrr , we'll slap on a smile and fake it for the rest of the families sake. we didnt even put up the tree. gotta get on that shieet. but yeaa im forcin it. im not in mood for this. ttylatAhh .

p.s. found a psp yesterday, weirdest shit ever. now gotta buy charger and games for it. chika yeee .

p.s. URself .. bahah gabby's a fool .

hooolla ,

xO.r

gebremichael .

do you ever wonder what happens to the words that we send

do they bend, do they break from the flight that they take

and come back together again, with a whole new meaning

and a brand new sense, completely unrelated to the one i sent

i used to think last names where so powerful. when you share a last name with someone, you have bond from birth that nobody can take away from you. you are a smith, or a bell, no matter what you change your last name to.. you will always have that name in your blood, like it or not. although my father was always abusive, as a child i loved him. i was young, naive, and thought he was my dad. little did i know that other "dads" arent like him. a real dad would never leave his daughter without hesitation, after being in her life for eight years. yea, obviously it hurt to see him leave, but i was so young and stupid to believe the lies that he fed me. telling me, he'd visit and i'd visit.. and obviously, id see him again. okaay, so he sent me some video games, scooters, posters for like a couple months and called. it started with being daily, then bi-daily.. then weekly, then it just stopped. i remember how he used to call me weekly, and tell me im like fuel for his car, he needed to fill up every week in order to continue running. what a pile of shit right ? but yet i was dumb enough to believe him. he told me about his new wife, and how hes going to start a family. and he cant wait for me to come and visit him in vancouver. and now im so confused, i dont know why im crying. i dont love him. in fact, now when i look back on it, he brought more pain then happiness, but every girl needs a dad. he was my father, but i now realize, that he was never my dad. one day a couple years ago, boredom struck and i googled my last name. there it was, elsa gebremichael, saskatoon, sk. i couldnt believe it. it was her myspace. i was so excited, to get in contact with her again. i thought for sure she would love me to message her, because after all, i am her little sister right ? i was 15 at the time, and was angry with eyob, and even her. she's in a rock band and travelled across canada. she had visited winnipeg several times, and hadnt tried to contact her sister ? at that time i havent seen her in like 7 years but i thought about her often. obviously, the feelings werent reciprecated. so i messaged her, which i dont regret at all, and spoke out of anger. she messaged me back, just asking for my email address. i gave it to her, checked my email everyday, nothing. whatever, ill live. so as an adult, i found her facebook two weeks ago or so, and messaged her a very mature message saying that i hope she's doing well, but hows my brother, ben .. does he have an email address or something so i can contact him. you can probably guess how that ended. family, to me is the most important thing, and i thought that most people felt that way. people with values. i can now say that i am embarrassed to be a Gebremichael because from what i've witnessed, Gebremichael's are heartless. that is the exact opposite of what my family & i are. i mean, c'mon .. at least be sympathetic to the time that i speent ..

motherhood , marriage, nd money .

[ cntdwn : 19 days ]

a child is a blessing, and a gift from God. if your 30 or 15, the child is no less of a blessing in the eyes of God. the only difference is its most likely harder for the mother, but with sex comes responsibility and everytime you engage in intercourse, there is a risk of reproduction. NONETHELESS , abortion is wrong. if you think your old enough to have sex, best believe you need to reep the consequences of your actions. which brings me to a follow top 6er. stephanie reutlinger, i respect her decision to keep the child and even look up to her in a way. abortions is the easy way out, and she chose to do the right thing, which in this case, is the hard way out. i love her, and because of that, i feel it is my responsibility to help make this experience as easy as possible for her. i see her with kids, and i already shes going to be a great mom. and because theres nothing crying, or regret can do now, there is nothing left to do but be exciteeeedd !! wooot woot . lord knows i am. i absolutely cannot wait to be an auntyyy !!

so basicaaally , the past two months have been a hectic time for my family. and not in tha way you might think. nope, me and my broo have nothing to do with it. ahah in fact, its because of one of my cousins who absolutely can do no wrong.. until this. bahahah . so he wants to get married, he's 24 .. been seeing this girl for a year, prayed about it, she's a devoted christian ? what possible reason can my aunt have for nearly packing up her bags and moving to ethiopia because she refuses to witness it. she even missed thanksgiving dinner and steady cried for two months. why the drama, you might be asking yourself. ohh , well .. he's pretty much marrying the devil. and her families even worse. goood thing i just find out last night, because if i would have known that he was planning on bringing the only family in our church that i actually detest, i woulda stirred some serious shit. not only would i have slapped some sense into that foolish man, but i woulda told that bitch, feven.. if she thinks she coming into this family, she would have to kill me first. literally. shooot me in the head. not only do i dislike her. but her family, can pretty much rott for all i care. especially that fucking sister of hers. dumb bitch. i hate that cunt. personally i thought, she was pregnant. he musta knocked her up to be talkin such garbage, saying he loved her. or voodoo. shes must be involved in witchcraft. anywhooooo . thank god thats over and that i found all this out when it was over. lord, you truley know me tooo well .

money, money, money, moooonay.. MOOONAY . so im still working. and reannas still quitting. which means im still sad. ahah buuut, nonetheless, this is the first christmas i've had a job. lol . wow. deadbeat. so its the fifth, and our christmas tree isnt up, and i havent gotten any presents yet. lord knows im working on it. fucking ebay. i work today 5:00 - 8:30 and hopefully i can put my tree up then. i wonder if ill actually end up going out tonight. hifi might be bumping, and also mybar. hmm, i kinda just wanna smoke a spliff and see a movie but nobodys chill like me. its always about goin to tha club. but i aint gon complain, i looove my alcohol. ♥ also, going to saskatoon / regina soontime with mother to visit brother. i stopped worrying. letting go so god can deal with it. chicago nd tatty soon ? need money for that, applying for credit card also. maddd exciiiteeedd !! baahaha ♥

hooolla ,
xO.r

and the countdown begins ..

[ cntdwn : 22 days ]

this christmas is probably going to be the toughest christmas yet , which is weird cuz this is the only christmas where i could afford to buy everyone i love, good gifts. but the one thing thats missing is worse than ever. contemplated with mother to even put the tree up, but then again we have a christmas dinner for the whole family on tha 27th so it'll draw attention. i miss how things were, no matter how negative or positive the experience was, before it took over your life. but i know, one day we will have a christmas dinner, with every single person in our family there, and we could look upon the other christmas` and it'll be nothing but a mere memory of the past. its also fustrating how, the only person i really liked at my work is putting her 2 weeks in today and on top of that its the christmas season and now we have to train a new person ? wow are the managers going to be pissed. why is it every other third key, hates claire's and cant wait til they "get out", yet i love it. being surrounded by nice ass accessaries rather than deep friers, corndogs, and slushy cups seems like a bonus to me. not like i would know or anything, lol. so anyways i also went to church on sunday, i forgot how much better i feel after a good sermon. sundays was about your vision, your outlook on life and how it greatly effects your life. i wish one day i can be as devoted and faithful like my family. speaking of family? how strong is your maternal bond as sisters? ponder on that til next time, kids.

hooollAHh,
xO.r

same old, same old .

i havent wrote in here for a while because ..
N O T H I N G H A P P E N E D

.. nothing interestingly at leaast ,

hmm , let me think
- kiomis been gone
- i miss debbie
- friday was fun

kiooomi, where are thou ? lol she's mia. no texts, no calls. but surprisingly it'saaall good. i dont really miss her that much. weird huh ? i miss the kiomi from sisler, the kiomi from before i went away for the summer. but frankly, the kiomi that i've been seeing lately ? i dont miss her at all.
deebbie, on the other hand.. i can not wait til she gets back. dec.17th !! bahahah shits going to be wild considering i havent EVER went clubbing wit her yet.
FRI-DAY, shineeekas 11month 1 week anniversary of sobriety. lmao so whatd everyone do to celebrate ? got shitfaced. everyone was there, havent seen those girls in a million +1 years. aminah pretty much took the award for cutest baby alive.

but im bored ++ tyra banks show is on in two minutes
i shall continue this later

hooollla ,
xO.r