all i want for christmas is ..

+ world peace
+ the end of world hunger
+ and world happiness

lmaaao , ahah i cant even type that wid a straight face .. :

so basically ..
my christmas wishlist goes a lil` somethin like this ..

+ nintendo wii ♥
+ super mario for wii (dont get it confused with mario kart)
+ guitar hero world tour
+ mooonaay
+ this big purple purse from DOLCE VITA .. yum .
+ nice picture frames
+ CLOTHES , not just any clothes .. rocawear, dereon, apple bottom, coogi// hoodies preferrably.
+ classic movies like lords of the dogtown, juice, poetic justice, alpha dog etc.
(found in tha walmart/zellers bins)
christmas wishlist donts :
- underwear or socks, i dont care how cute it is
- clothes from the mall unless from somewhere like lattitude
- books
- jewelry, i have enough
- nothing baby phat

like a boy ,

why is love so unattractive to me ?
i dont get it, girls cant wait til their next boyfriend and to fall inlove for tha 764873th time by tha age of 18. they cry their little hearts out, break their phones, spend huundreds of dollars, forgive them after theyve cheated, and loose all their dignity when begging them for one more chance. sweety, one more chance for what ? im pretty sure theyre tha ones who should be beggin you for forgiveness not vice versa. yeaa sure, they whisper sweet nothings in your ear and tell you your beautiful but shiieeet i can do that for my damn self, i dont need a guy tellin me somethin i already know. i dont have tha time nor tha energy for a boyfriend and neither should any other girl my age who is going to school and working . boyfriends are too time consuming, stressful, and frankly, a waste of my damn money. most of these girls i see today cant even be single, theyll run from one guy to tha next looking for this perfect love. you can not be with someone until you learn to be with yourself. but dont get me wrong, ill think that guy is just as cute as you do, ill talk and flirt with him and have fun, but shieeet .. i aint gon let anything tie me down. i hate how girls lie about who their with, and where they are just to avoid an arguement. like why is your dude trippin? you at tha mall, why is he automatically going to assume your cheating. that means there is no trust in the relationship, therefore the relationship is goin no where. i cant stand when a girlfriend and boyfriend are together every minute of every day, when your making him your only friend, when you guys break up.. you aint gon have nobody to go to and then tha vicous cycle begins when they look for another boy to tickle their little insecurites. i love when a girl can have a boyfriend, and hit tha clubs wid her girls, and tha guy stay at home or chill wid his boys, and theyre both cool wid it. thats trust, thats a real relationship. guys who trip are insecure and who tha hell wants an insecure boyfriend? I also hate how guys go through girls cell phones, and check their text messages and what not, this also means theres no trust and the day a man is allowed to look through my phone is tha day he pays tha damn bill, until then, getchur crusty ass hands off my damn phone. no trust drives the other person to cheat, because if your constantly getting accused of it, might as well have done it rii ? i think when one person cheats on tha other, there is no future for that relationship. cuz if alcohol is their excuse for hooking up wid someone else, you are tha last person on their mind. alcohol is not enought to cheat on someone, there needs to be will power and motive as well. he might love you, but he sure likes tha other girl too and if you get back together with him, he gon do it again. AND NO MATTER WHAT ANYONE TELLS, there is no such thing as "he cheated, and i cheated so we're even" psshh , that is tha biggest pile of bullshit i have ever heard in my life. seriously, no lie.. thats number one. two wrongs dont make a right, they just make a whole lot of little baby wrongs, ahaha get it ? baby wrongs from two wrongs. bahahahah . anyways this is not for anyone to read, but for myself, when i decide i am ready for a relationship i can look back at this and see tha thoughta and opinions of me when i had a clear head, and not unbiased one fuzzied up wid l♥ve. BUT HEY, dont get me wrong i see alot of cute couples, who dont do any of the things that i mention and there the ones that stay together the longest and have tha least amount of problems. and if anytime soon, i ever decide to get "involved" its gon be wid a niggas state of mind. MOB. i aint got let no nigga come in between me and whats important to me.

hoooollla
xO.r

crown royal, drunk moments, nd heeels ♥

"how are you doing todaay , arre you having a good night" says rachel in a western african accent
"WHAT, I AM NOT NIGERIAN!! YOU AUTOMATICALLY TINK I AM NIGERIAN" says random NIGERIAN nigga
"haha ohh sorry, ghana ? congo ?"
"NO I AM NOT FROM DERE! I AM FROM PARIS!!"
"haha ohhkaay, i see sorry man"
"NO FUCK YOU, WHY YOU AUTOMATICALLY TINK I AM FROM NIGERIA?"
"its not a big deal man, like fuck i said i was sorry, what do you want me to say, bonjour.. like fuck shut up"

LMAAAO , standing in line for tha coatcheeeck funniest shit EVER !! hahah daaang lmao nd KIOOOMI haha some lil nigga was spitting game to gabby and so i tried to get him to leave and this little nigga was tellin me, "you dont kno me, im gangsta, ill fuckin kill you" ahahahahah woooow this guy got me craackin UP ! hahah then KIOMIs sitting in front of us (but behind him) and grabs his hood and tosses him (LITERALLY) and there he goes stumbling to the dance floor. at that moment i literally thought i died, i was laughin so hard. ahah wow then on top of that when we cruisin to dennys we pass through osbourne village, nd see sarah so smashed on tha street. lmaao gabby has a fuckin eye and sees this bitch in between buildings, pulls a u-turn and hops outta tha car runnin to her.. lol im sitting like wtf is haaapnin, then i see vasi chase her, and im thinkin to myself my ass is not going to sit here watch gabby cuss her out when i got a fair share of cussin to do myself. lmaooo shes wid this random nigga too, so when gabbys talkin bout kickin her ass, i was like hoooold up .. naaw she aint even worth our time. we went out that night to have a good night, get crunk, and have fun rii ? so as i try and calm her down i see chris waalkin towards us , lmao .. i just started crackin up, fuck that night was a classic. so we cruise down to vibe saw a bunch of people, but decided to go munch at dennys. it was like 3oo am at that point and shit was sooo busy. we waited like 2 hours for our food... tova met us there then we dipped. got home like around 5ooissh i think ? im suprised i wasnt hungover cuz i was sippin crown straight wid no chaser.. can you say c-h-a-m-p ? ahah hoolla. and crashed til 2oopm .. then got called into work. gotta pick up some more hours for chicago, gotta save money, nd stop spendin. i hope chicago works out, jan.15 !! first time i went wid my girls, it was dope.. hopefully this time will be too. but most of all hope vasi and amber dont bail cuz i knoo fo sho, gabby wont bail and im sooo down. Oo, and also i talked to an admissions administrator for u of m, and hes tellin me as long as i get 3 40s university courses over 70%, i can keep my highschool mark for english, which mean i dont need to upgrade, and ill be accepted. im sooo happy, i get to drop this shit.. it was suucha drag. but now im feeling good and moms doing good, schools doing good, no drama wid my girls, just gotta pick up my downfall, but ill leave that one upta God.

note2self : make time to chill wid steph, make time for God, and make time for family.

hoolla
xO.r

my downfall

tha one person i love the most, look up the most to, pray the most for, cry the most cuz, think the most about, and been disappointed the most by, is by far, you.

i constantly try and put myself in your shoes, and see why you do the things you do. to yourself. to me. to mom. but mostly, to yourself. your the closest thing to me in this world, and i miss you more and more each day nd when i think i cant miss you anymore, i prove myself wrong. i cant even say i love you cuz love is tha most carelessly tossed-around word, and also tha biggest understatement when it comes to you. i refuse to use it. all i can say is if anything were to happen to you, physically, mentally, emotionally. i would die. i know sometimes i put a front that i could careless bout where you are or what your doing, but its all JUST a front. everytime you leave tha house i wonder if its tha last time ill ever see you again, whether its death or you gettin locked up again. theres been too many times where you left tha house and never came back til we got that call. drugs and money have takin over your life, and blinded you of the things that matter most in life. because of "getting money", you have missed 3 christmas, going on 4, you missed my 15th, 16th, 17th, and 18th birthday. you missed my high school graduation. you missed my basketball games. you have put a price on the most cherished moments of my life and what do you have to show for it ? a camry, that doesnt run. i refuse to believe that god doesnt have a plan for you. there has been so many prophecies from god, re-occuring dreams, and just faith to believe that there isnt a light at the end of this tunnel. what doesnt kill you, makes you stronger. now all i have to do is make sure it doesnt kill you. i have faith that you are going to come out of this stronger, faster, and smarter. you have the most wonderful and faithful family, eyob .. you dont even know how much tears and prayers are spent on your behalf daily from everyone. mom is even willing to pick up leave everything and everybody to move for you. so you can truly have a new beginning and start over. yea, were going to miss our friends and our family that basically shaped who we are today.. but if it means, making life temporarily easier for you ? its well worth it. while you've been chasing money, ive been looking for my brother for tha past 4 years, and i pray to god that one day i'll find him.

god bless ,

your sister.

first step .

so im told , that bloggin is next to therapy .. ?
if so .. i shoulda opend this account waaaay back when aha .
so i guess this is where i talk about my day and then get all emo about my problems ? :S
sounds good to me ..

part o1 // school
uhh so basically , its 10:07 am and i skipped school yet again to do shit all
fuuuuck school .. im doin good .. actually REALLY good in math and family studies but english .. im so behind on my work its actually redic and lord knows i have to get into uofm in january..

part o2 // work
woork is actually goin soo well for once in my life. i suurprisingly LOVE my job. btw; i work at claires which is like the dreeaam job for an 18 year old girl like mee. theres only like 4 other people i work wid makin it a crew of 5 .. and errones so cool .. i think this is a long teerm job for me , lord knows i never had one of those before . REEEWIND back to walmart - 3 hella long weeks , superstore - 2 weeks , archway - 3 months [ my longest , quite proud of that one ] , subway - a month and a half . and my most recent north american midway entertainment - almost 3 months but you gotta be handicapped to get fired from there .

part o3 // top 6
family, associates, & party people
i dont have friends, lets make that clear. i have family, associates, and my paaatay people.
i only have 6 non-related family members which are also known as my top 6.

those include (alphabetical) :

amber d. ramsay,

deborah a. yeboah,

gabrielle l. penniston,

kiomi victor,

lisa a. hall,

stephanie lm. reutlinger .

people i work with : associates, people i party with : party people .. as far as im concerned it takes a lot of tears, fights, and sweat to become a top 6er. I can say with all those girls ive had a fight with, ive cried to, ive told something so personal too, and we've gotten shitfaced together. those are tha only people aside from my family that if something hurts them, it physically hurts me too. anyone else, im sorry .. id feel sorry for you but i aint gon trip and ill sleep good that night. some of those ladies have been a family member for a while, and some have been recently added. although sometimes it doesnt seem like it, id give any those girls tha last puff on my puffer anydayy . bahaha. thoose are my girls right there !! i strongly believe that guys and girls cant have a platonic, pure friendship and ive recently learned that although blood dont mean shit these days. ive witnessed and experienced family members stab eachother in tha back over girls, money, or for tha fuck of it.

top 6 nd family members:
* in this journal there are going to be things that are very personal to me and if i somehow one day, give you tha url to read this, im givin yu a fair warning that there is going to be name dropping and opening old wounds and what not. im not censoring myself and im going to tell it like it is. thats the beauty in having a blog. if i say something to offend or startle any of my top 6 and it feels like im calling you out. im telling you now, i am not. you guys are already my top 6 !! its a one way street to it and theres no roads out so its not like my top 6 is going to be top 5 one day and top 7 tha next. you guys are here to stay. and also dont feel like if you guys tell me something confidential, im going to put it up LMAO .. im not that dumbb ahaha . love you all , from tha bottom of my heart and hopefully this blog stays consistent and gets good feedback .

p.s. FUUUUCKK GRAMMAR ND PUCTUATION .. i aint gon worry bout that shit aha

hoooollla
xO.r

traxxspinnin`WHILEbloggin`: [ if this isnt love : jennifer hudson ] , [ break ya back - avant ] , [ back and forth - aaliyah // restinparadise ]