ben gebremichael

i need to find you but i dont know where to start and even what to say. maybe just that i love you, and even tho i havent seen or heard from you in over 10 years, i miss you. most of all i just want to tell you, that without you; my life would be drastically different, for the worst. you saved my life and theres no way i can repay you.

lets go back.

you break my heart; i break your heart
you pull my love; ill rip yours apart
you say something real mean to me; ill tounge out your whole family
its crazy how trust is so much, that i end up hating your guts
everyday your love was so good, but every minute that passes gets worse
tell me what am i suppossed to do

ive built my whole world around you.

where ever you are ♥.

i swore to myself, i would never get that drunk again .. to the point when you dont have control over your body. to the point where you are not monitoring what comes out of your mouth. to the point where your bent out of the car throwing up. to the point where people have to tell you, the next day, what actually happened. why would someone sacrifice whats so important to them for a random hookup ? im lucky nothing actually happened, but i can easily see how being that intoxicated could be putting myself in danger. im lucky nothing happened this time, but whats to say about next ? most all of my friends had sex for the very first time while drunk, and God only knows thats the last thing i want. for the first time in my life im thinking so far ahead, maybe its cause im starting school soon ? for the first time in my life im yearning for a relationship with God, maybe its cause i see how much happier and more blessed believers are ? i cant say i quit drinking, cause i havent. i cant say i dont smoke, cause i do. but what i can say is that its becoming less and less attrative to me everyday.

future love.

do you ever think about your wedding day? whether, itll be indoors or outside? if you'll make it intimate or a big celebration? or, if you'll have 3,4, or 5 bridemaids? i do. all the time. i wonder what ill be doing 11pm, the night before my wedding. or what colours ill incorporate in the most important day of my life. more importantly, i wonder about the groom. who will i spend the rest of my life with? share my mind, body, and soul.. solely with? who will be the man i learn to cook for, clean, and bare children for? what is he doing right now? lol since its 11pm on a saturday night, is he out getting drunk, at a club? will he hook up with a girl tonight or is he at home, just chillin? do i know him already? oh lord, HAHA i hope not! see, i think about these things all the time, because im saving so much for him, i just pray to God he's worth it!! for god sakes im going to spend the rest of my life with him! ahhhhhh, sjkfdhsdjkfhksdjfh im so proud of myself and the fact that im able to give him the most important thing to me and only to him .. and the fact that i worked so hard to keep it although temption was lurking near many MANY times.. i can only pray that God will provide me with the strength to hold on to it til i meet that special guy. to say that ive only been with my husband, my bestfriend, and the guy ill spend the rest of my life with, is truly a blessing.