constant

seems like im constantly looking for something thats not there

constantly wanting it, thinking its only fair

why cant i have what she has, or do what he's doing

seems like short straws, is what im constantly pulling

telling myself it can only get better,

is only setting me up for another heartbreak letter.

its time i cut myself from the high hopes i cling to

showing you the real me, and all that it brings you

you say i'm all you need, and that you wont let go

that love is what you feel, and with me is all you know

- rachel deborah gebremichael

cuz if they ask me about it, i wont lie.

what if i kissed you right now
how would we explain it
trying to imagine how it might sound
if i just yell it out

what if i kissed you right now
would it bring us any closer
take the weight off of our shoulders
take me, im yours.
and i don't really care who knows it
can we afford,
to cut that open with all these emotions

if we were a secret
how long could you keep it
keep it to yourself
don't tell nobody else
and you'll just be mine.

tell me, i don't mind.
cuz if they ask me about it, i wont lie.

- aubrey drake graham

recap pt.2

remember that puppy i was getting november 1st? the cocker spaniel x yorkshire terrier male puppy ... i got his sister! i srsly just fell inlove with the girl, and its been smooth sailing since. she's amazing, and seems to get cuter n cuter every single day. like srsly, save some cuteness for the rest of the world! i named her oj, as in oreo junior (r.i.p baby). im so excited for my brother to come out n fall in love with her, (he says, nothing could come close to oreo), and while thats true .. oj comes pretty darn close! the month that i just spent away from her killed me. i missed her so much, significantly more than everyone else. anyways. 41 days until my brother comes home. wow hey. after like basically 5 years of him in and out of jail. hes here to stay. and honestly, it pisses me the fuck off when people are like, "well how long before he goes back in" .. um, how bout shutting the fuck up. yea? k thanks! annnnnndddd, guess what i did. showed up unannounced at elsa gebremichael (aka, my sisters) show at the lo pub. literally saw the event on facebook, grabbed yeti n debbie, a bottle, and showed up. i stood by the door, hyperventilating, because i was too nervous to go in, especially when i saw one of her bandmates! so, i took a walk for some fresh air, and waited till they were on stage to go in. when she was done, i lost all confidence n literally wanted to crawl out of there. in the moment, i regretted going, and just wanted to curl up in a ball and disappear. then when i thought, she was just going to walk by, she jolted to a stop turned and hugged me. talk about out of body experience, i was in shock. elsa, yeti, debbie, her bandmates and i, went out for a smoke when she asked to talk to me around the corner. ended up out there for like 2 hrs, and just spilt out all my feelings about her, our father, ben, and just the resentment i developed for the name 'gebremichael'. anyways we said goodbye, and i left with the mindset, if i never see or speak to her again, i'll be fine because for 2 hours, i had a sister and thats more than i'd ever thought i'd have. until MONDAY when i get a facebook msg with the header "HI SISTER!" loll ....... she basically said she had thought a lot about me since we talked, and she was coming through to winnipeg again soon and wanted to see me, blah blaah blah. :) how good is God! hahaha OMG so im writing this and listening to "Drake - I'm Ready For You" and just tuned in for a second and heard the line "mental pictures, no cameras please" lol i was taking mental pictures of thabeid in edmonton. loll funnnnnny. anyways k im out. lots of love <3.

rgebremichael .

recap pt.1

oh my. i don't even know where to fucking start. its been about a year since i've told you anything .. first let me apologize, school got me on lockdown (not so much an excuse, but a reason). so, tying some loose ends, devon's chapter in my story is over. thank god. in may he went to new zealand / australia for 6 weeks, and it was just not the same. our whole relationship was so messed up. like a constant game, and honestly, im tired of plotting and strategizing every little thing. so im done. thennnn .... (get this), i went on the road with the ex again w/ yetnayet, rahel, and rebecca. LOL, omg i know! i vowed never to do it again. but honestly, claire's was getting on my nerves (i quit) and needed money. but mostly, it was because devon came back to town, and i wanted to leave. give me some time to forget about him a bit more. and it worked! ... devon who? lol jkkk. he helped me grow a lot as a person, and put everything i thought i knew about relationships, in perspective. turns out, i don't know as much i thought. SURPISE! soooo, i worked slushy again. felt so weird to be sitting in the same fucking stand with SHEENA! lol only thing missing was johann. rahel, yeti, and rebecca all started off working at corndog. there is not enough time in the day to tell you all the stories about this month long venture, which is why we made video blogs!! they're not that consistent but s`allgood. the biggest thing i took out of this trip was the bond i made with rahel. when yeti n rebecca quit to work for someone else in the beginning of the trip, all we had was eachother. and honestly i wouldn't change it for anything. after a month with one person, in most cases, you cant wait to get away from them, but i miss her. rebecca has disappointed me so much on this trip, and i sincerely regret meeting and being around biniam. i would do anything to take back the way this trip made me view rebecca, a horrible, heartless, weak, selfish, manipulative, ugly person. her and biniam deserve eachother. congratulations. i wish them the best life, far, far, faarrr away from me. please n thank you. no wonder zanthea, dominique, and everyone else did not like her from the start. rahel, yeti, and i, were so blinded for the love we had for her. nonetheless, calgary was fun. spent almost the entire time there intoxicated. went to whiskey, mansion, vinyl, hifi, jacks, back alley, etc. made some good and bad links. for instance, the russian mafia (negative), to the bartender at mansion, jordan. (positive :P) i spent the whole time working in calgary doing everything in my power not to run into jordan at the stampede. worst thing is, he loves the stampede! lol running into jordan in my slushy stand with my efffffin uniform = NOT a good look ! OH AND GET THIS, fitzroy and I squashed our beef. were straight chillin n blazing like old times...makes it a whole lot easier on yeti, n honestly im too old for this petty shit. we both grew up, and can laugh about it now. (who wouldaaa thought!) anyways, so i spent like 12 hrs a day in a fucking slushy stand, doing manual labour.... kinda, and met a lot of nice people who im going to miss! for instance, lorens, dominique, ella, arthur, thabeid, etc. out of the bunch, ill prolly miss thabeid the most and honestly, developed a little crush on him, which is weird cuz hes not my type at all. but nonethelessssssss, it is good to be home. perks include, me not having to wear sandals in the shower, not having to inspect my body every time i wake up, not having to set my alarm at 5 am to take a shower, not having to brush my teeth out of a water bottle, not having to pee in a port-o-potty, not having mini donuts and coffee for breakfast, not having to live out of a suitcase, not having to live in a 4 by 5 foot bunk (which im sure is a safety hazard), not having to tell people to come pick you and the directions ending off as "its right behind the polar express!". in conclusion, its good to be home with familiar things. lots of love <3

rgebremichael.

what you dont know.

whats not being said

was how my days were brighter with you in them

how unstoppable i felt with your arm around me

or how i felt when your eyes burned through me

whats not being said

was how i loved to talk about you to my friends

how i was so proud to be your girl

and how i couldnt sleep without you next to me

whats not being said

was how perfect, absolutely perfect i thought you were

how although i said it often, i never wanted you to leave me

how ive never met anyone who made me feel this way

whats not being said

was how jealous i was of any girls before me

how your words, simply occupied my mind for hours

how you still give me butterflies

whats not being said

was how i wanted you to meet my family

how i wanted to introduce you to my brother

how i could see you in my life

whats not being said

how much this last year has been the best year of my life

how beautiful you are

how much i feel for you.

whats not being said

is now too late.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

i miss you so much. why cant i just be like any other girl and just tell you all of this. whats wrong me with me. your everything i wanted and more yet here you are thinking that i couldnt care less, that you dont mean anything to me, and that your the only one with emotional ties when in reality im just as bonded as you. only difference is that by me admitting this, i could probably make you stay. i could get everything i wanted, except id be like every other girl with their heart on their sleeve just asking to be cheated on and lied to. i cant do that to myself cause that pain would be so much greater than this one. you need more than i can give you. fuck, this wasnt supposed to end up like this!!!!! you were supposed to be like every guy i date, and we'd just chill til i loose interest and do our own thing. no "anniversary", no "gifts", no nothing. but you ruined that for me. the only thing im left to do now, is the only thing i dont want to do.. lose you. too bad you dont know.

memoirs of an imperfect angel.

i shouldnt have walked away, i wouldve stayed

if you said we couldve made, everything okay

but we just threw the blame back and forth

we tweeted love , like a sport

the final blow hit so low, im still on the ground

i couldnt have prepared myself for this fall

shattered in pieces curled on the floor

supernatural love conquers all,

remember we used to touch the sky..

lightening dont strike the same place twice

when you and i said goodbye, i felt the angels cry

cuz true loves a gift, but we let it drift

in the storm, every night

i feel the angels cry

baby im missing you, dont allow our love to lose

we gotta ride it through, im reaching for you

dont allow our love to lose, we gotta ride it through

im reaching for you,

lightening dont strike, the same place twice

you and i, said goodbye

felt the angels cry

true love's a gift, but we let it slip

in a storm, every night

i feel the angels cry..

Oj.

please please pleaaaaase, i really want him!! he's so perfect, hes small but not stocky, hes mainly black, and hes a boy!! he would totally fit the name OJ. please God, let nobody else go after him and please let him be hypoallergenic. I miss having that companion. AND LOOK HOW FREAKING CUTE HE IS. oh laaawwwwd. me and him would be perfect together. lol RACHEL + OJ = LOVE. ahah kk imma stop now. schools going pretty good, and work aswell minus the fact my perkins manager SCOTT is a damn THEIF. Dont worry, lil scotty boy.. karmas a bitcch and its cominnngggg. talk to you soooon !!