where ever you are ♥.

i swore to myself, i would never get that drunk again .. to the point when you dont have control over your body. to the point where you are not monitoring what comes out of your mouth. to the point where your bent out of the car throwing up. to the point where people have to tell you, the next day, what actually happened. why would someone sacrifice whats so important to them for a random hookup ? im lucky nothing actually happened, but i can easily see how being that intoxicated could be putting myself in danger. im lucky nothing happened this time, but whats to say about next ? most all of my friends had sex for the very first time while drunk, and God only knows thats the last thing i want. for the first time in my life im thinking so far ahead, maybe its cause im starting school soon ? for the first time in my life im yearning for a relationship with God, maybe its cause i see how much happier and more blessed believers are ? i cant say i quit drinking, cause i havent. i cant say i dont smoke, cause i do. but what i can say is that its becoming less and less attrative to me everyday.

future love.

do you ever think about your wedding day? whether, itll be indoors or outside? if you'll make it intimate or a big celebration? or, if you'll have 3,4, or 5 bridemaids? i do. all the time. i wonder what ill be doing 11pm, the night before my wedding. or what colours ill incorporate in the most important day of my life. more importantly, i wonder about the groom. who will i spend the rest of my life with? share my mind, body, and soul.. solely with? who will be the man i learn to cook for, clean, and bare children for? what is he doing right now? lol since its 11pm on a saturday night, is he out getting drunk, at a club? will he hook up with a girl tonight or is he at home, just chillin? do i know him already? oh lord, HAHA i hope not! see, i think about these things all the time, because im saving so much for him, i just pray to God he's worth it!! for god sakes im going to spend the rest of my life with him! ahhhhhh, sjkfdhsdjkfhksdjfh im so proud of myself and the fact that im able to give him the most important thing to me and only to him .. and the fact that i worked so hard to keep it although temption was lurking near many MANY times.. i can only pray that God will provide me with the strength to hold on to it til i meet that special guy. to say that ive only been with my husband, my bestfriend, and the guy ill spend the rest of my life with, is truly a blessing.

infidelity.

how do you fix a love undone

how you even know if you're fit to love someone

and when you decide to take that ride

can you drive from the passengers side

one wheel in the middle

four hands on it

two sets of breaks

you decide to slame on it

god damn, where the love go ?

whip crash will you get whiplash

sit back cause you cant get shit back

but think if you tried to get what you just had

im mad at facts

and you cant be mad at that

no, you cant be mad at that

the interlude ♥

even though your all alone,
all i know when i am gone.

i just wanna keep u warm
im comin back, im comin back.

yes ill be there, yes ill be there.

cause when im all alone, i think about your face
and how i wanna touch, your so far away

im so..

all i wanna do is, give you all of me now
are you ready, are you reaady.

dbaaaaaaaaaaby.

143.

i see your face in my mind as i drive away
cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way
people are people, nd sometimes we change our minds
but its killing me to see you go after all this time

music starts playing like the end of a sad movie
its the kind of ending you dont really want to see
cause its tragedy and it'll only bring you down
now i dont know what to be without you around

and we know its never simple, never easy
never a clean break, no one here to save me
you're the only thing i know like the back of my hand
and i cant breathe without you, but i have to
breathe without you, but i have to

never wanted this, never want to see you hurt
every little bump in the road i tried to swerve
people are people and sometimes it doesnt work out
nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out

and we know its never simple, never easy
never a clean break, no one here to save me
you're the only thing i know like the back of my hand
and i cant breathe without you, but i have to
breathe without you, but i have to

its 2am, feels like i just lost a friend
hope you know its not easy, easy for me
its 2am, feelin like i just lost a friend
hope you know this aint easy, easy for me

and we know its never simple, never easy
never a clean break, no one here to save me,
and i cant breathe without you, but i have to
breathe without you, but i have to

we love you, michael

the memorial for michael jackson was today. the ceremony radiated the most genuine vibe ever while he was acknowledged by greats like nelson mandalay and the first african american president, barack obama. michael jackson, the greatest performer of all time was honoured by 20,000 people inside the staples centre in Los Angeles, Ca and millions all over the world. it was said that 1 billion people were tuned in to watch and pay respect to the king of pop. as mariah carey, usher, stevie wonder, lionel richie, jennifer hudson, and his brother, jermaine jackson took the stage to perform .. there was not one dry eye in the building. it was simply beautiful and ended with everyone on stage, including his family nd children, singing 'we are the world' co-compossed by michael jackson, himself. he was appreciated and acknowledged today for what people seemed to overlook while he was alive. his humanitarism was encouraging to everyone to take a look at the, 'man in the mirror and make a change'. the ceremony was closed by some heart touching words spoken by marlon jackson and ended with eleven year old paris katherine michael jackson. it was beautiful. but in the midst of all this sadness, we must not mourn his life .. but celebrate it for we had the oppurtunity to be amoungst a living legend. he really is gone to soon.

r.i.p michael joseph jackson
1958-2009
we love you.

im feeling good, as the world keeps crashin doown <3

I KNOW, I KNOW. i havent written in here for like ever. so here it is, A REAL ENTRY.
hmm, so lets catch up. mom went to tha states this weekend so i had tha house to myself !! friday went to check out hifi wid deb nd sonal, shit was so weak so we met up wid debs boy nd his friends at tavern and went back to drink nd chill at their house. didnt end up going gettin home til like 5ish eveeen tho SONAL was being bunk and left at like 1 or 2ish ? like wtf. ohh well, it was fun tho. then saturday chilled at home with a frieeend and watched a movie. he ended up unintentionally sleeping over but it was all gee. had fun. yesterday night i totally ended up standin grant up. felt so bad, probably go see a movie wid him tomorrow ? yeee , .. know whats fuckd ? how small this fuckin world is.. like grant meeting abdi and freddie, smokin a j wid em, and them exchangin numbers like all buddy buddy ! fuck winnipeg and its small party scene. oh well no beef wid freddie or abdi, just kinda drifted ? ahah yeee, thats what it was. chillin today cuz isaiah nd tikvah came over. in regards to this "sister" of mine getting my hopes up thinkin she wanted to get to fuckin know me asdfjkhsdkjfhdks, ya no reply. but like tha saying goes: fool me once, shame on you ; fool me twice, shame on me. no fuckin lie, im emotionally removin myself from anything that has to do with that girl. on a happier note; im excited to start schoool baaby baabeeh !! seriously seeing this as a new beginning. probably going to quit one of my jobs.. dont know which one its going to be cuz ive been fuckin up at claires and perkins people are pissin me off. aka DAVE YOU FUCKIN DIRTY, LOW LIFE, NASTY PEICE OF SHIT. ahah wooooooooo, that was nice. unless he gets transfered .. its lookin like perkins gotttaaa go !! its weird tho, one of tha reasons im so excited to start school is cuz i look around and i see almost everyone of my friends fuckin up their lifes which does nothing but fuel my ambition. watch from the sidelines, nd only the sidelines. mama taught me weelll ya digggg ?! dang im feeling good, like all this little pettyness around me doesnt even get to me no more. im jusss chillin, yennooo ? seems like even tho hes gone, im level headed and i see things from different perspectives.. like my own, for once. dont get it twisted cuz i miss the shit out of him, and i wish he was here.. but this is good for me. i love my best friends, i love my mom, and my brother just as much. oooh and dont forget my sizzzurd, on that CAPTAIN MORGAN tippp nawmeeeen ? LOTSOFLOVE.

hoolla,
xO.r