6939 days down ,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME .

its 9oclock nd i just got home , getting ready to go back out ? yeee w.e . shits been weak so far. so much dissappointments but then again .. what shoudve i expected ?! accidently hung up on grant when he was on a payphone. =/ hoope he calls back !! lots of love .

hoolla,

xO.r

womp woomp woooomp ,

incompatible, it dont matter tho

cuz someones bound to hear my cry

speak out if you do

your not easy to find

is it possible, mr.loveable

is already in my life

right in front of my

or maybe your in disguise

who doesnt long for,

some one to hold

who knows how to love you

without being told

shouldnt i be excited ? its one week til my birthday nd honestly it feels like a burden. weird, i know. im usually like on top of my birthday. counting down tha days, planning a night out wid tha girls. but this year its my girls comin up to me askin what we gon do. i kinda feel like i wanna chill wid a bottle, by myself to celebrate. jus pass out in tha comfort of my room. like reading that last line over, its twisted. depressing, even. i dont know whats gotten into me. i dont even kno if i wanna go out for dinner. i mean, all i want is a few little things for it and i know im not going to get them. forexamp, a jeannies cake, a pack of like 50 blank cds, musiq soulchilds cd "onmyradio", and day26's cd "forever in a day". my dream gift would be if my mom surprised me wid a trip to saskatoon. i need to see my brothers face, yet for some reason he doesnt want to see us. he thinks its a burden for us to drive there and stay in a hotel and he doesnt want to do that to us. but honestly, it came to the point where seeing him will be doing more for me, than for him. i feel like just going there, and ignoring his wishes but how selfish would that be ? hopefully in the next 7 days something will happen. anything. good or bad. i just need a little texture in my life. it just feels so predictable and i hate being predictable. something to get my mind off of him would be nice. the one thing i want, is the one thing i cant have. lots of love.

hoolla,

xO.r

1st & armistad

i found god, on the corner of 1st and armistad

where tha west was all but won

all alone, smoking my last cigarette

i said, where yu been.

he said he can ask me tha same

where were yu, when everything was falling apart

all my days were spent by the telephone, that never rang

and all i needed was a call, that never came

to the corner of 1st and armistad

lost and insecure, you found me. you found me.

lying on the floor, surrounded. surrounded.

whyd yu have to wait, where were you. where were you.

just a little late, you found me. you found me.

the early morning, the city breaks

and I've been calling for years and years and years

and you never left me no messages

you never sent me no letters

you got some kind of nerve

taking all I want

no regrets is how i wanna live my life. i keep reaching out and making the initial move to establish a relationship with my own flesh and blood, sister .. yet all i get is high hopes to only get let down in the end. i cant live my life knowing i have a sister and brother out there that i do not have a bond with, without trying my hardest to make one. in this matter, yu cant have no pride cuz i kno, years from now i will regret the fact i didnt try harder, and regret is not how i wanna live my life. ill let yu kno how it goes. lots of love.

holla

xO.r

claires + perkins

over time, pictures fade

all thats left are these empty frames

sleepless nights, and stormy days

and all thats left are these empty frames ..

still working. still doin me. havent drank in so long. havent went out clubbin in so long. i seriously think Gods trying to isolate me. i never have the energy, and if one night i do .. the plans will fuck up or ill have to work early in the morning. been goin hard in my music. gotta learn how to channel my negative energy into something positive. going to start running tomorrow morning. anyways, been realizin that its over. its been fun while it lasted but its safe to say it is, indeed, over. its weird cuz i can almost hear the applaus. anyways, my basements almost done. mad excittzz for my room. so excited to deeeck it out. shits gon be live. anyways speakin of live, i kno whats not going to be .. my birthday. i dont want it to be so soon. i wanna get straight first. lord knows im not in the mood to be celebrating anything. neeeeeeed to get outta this city. s`poossed to go to chicago wid gabbz but it turned into detriot. hopefully this shit falls thru. i need to get out of this city. its not even a question. anyways im tired. going to try and catch some college hill. lots of love.

hoolla,

xO.r

fiftaayn days.

interesting couple of days, thas forshooore. lol lets start with monday. linked up wid grant nd gabby .. did tha usual ate wings drank some daquiries and saw strippers. ahah jk tha last ones not tha usual but we did. lol its was seriously such a whack night and we wanted to keep our buzz a lil longer so we went to the gentlemens club. i was surprised how much people were there and like 18-21 year olds. somehow i always thought tha age range there would mostly be 35-50 year old single men. but booooy, was i wrong. although its wasnt gabz and grants first time, IT WAS MINE aka i was pretty shook. i was uncomfortable, giggly, and very germ cautious not to mention wide-eyed. like what happend to the old fashion dinner nd a movie ? ahah whoooa , but somehow i feel like i need to go again to redeem myself. lol show them that i can play it coooooooool in the midst of nudity. bahahah , anyways i woke up wid a bruise on my forearm, not going to say how that happened cuz i knoo from the bottom of my heart it was completely unintentional. lol so on a COMPLETELY different note yesterday i had a really good time wid my lil cousins yesterday. picked up nahum, isaiah, abel, zeru, abby, amen, wid tsion and took em out to eat some wings and then went to see hotel for dogs. movie suckd ass but tha kids seemed to like it. anyways on tha way back tha roads got really bad and it took us a while to drop them all off considering they all live on opposite sides of the city lol. but it was worth it to see them all together having a good time. next outing, prolly summer if im here.
anywaaaayz update on tha bro , doing better than ever ! i cant wait for tha day hes here and we can finally start being a family again . my birthdays in a couple weeks, and all i want is to go to saskatoooon to visit my other half. nd the day 26 forever in a day cd. nd a pack of like 50 blank cds. lol jk, but anyways imma dipset, gotta get ready for my bullshit 2hr shift at work. lots of loove <3

hoolla,
xO.r

my loves gunna last just as long as my high .

i think the phrase, why are you mad ? is the worst thing you can say to someone who is, in fact mad at you. um, for starters .. i did you a favour and took your shift when i didnt want to, because you needed to study. the only reason why i took it was cuz you offered me a ride there and back and, again .. for you to study. not sleep or do whatever you did that night. since my aunt was at my house and offered to drive me there .. again, doing you a favour. you only now, needed to pick me up. so im at work, and hours before my shift ends i decide to call you and remind you. no answer. i text. no answer. i leave a voicemail. no call back. i had no change, and our work ATM was down so not only did i have to take the bus but i had to run place to place looking for a place who does cashback. what type of bullshit is that ? at least answer my call and let me know so i can get my shit together. anyways i woulda gotten over it easily, if i wouldnt have gotten a text the next morning from you saying, hey sorry bout last night i fell asleep, what you doing today ? like uhh, not talking to you. followed by a text saying, why are you so mad ? hdgjhfgjkSDfg. that text put me in a bad place. i just hate unreliable people, especially when i thought she was one of, or even my most reliable friend. even more than that, i hate people who dont recognize their mistakes, man up and apologize. this situation coulda been avoided with just the slightest bit of effort. honestly when your younger, you have so much friends.. only later in life you realize whos really there. and at my age, i have no time for unreliable people. cant wait to get out of this city. foreaaaaaaaaal. ive been in this city for too damn long. this situation is just a logical vent for me. i cant wait for time to pass so my feelings for him will faade. anyways. day 26's new album 'forever in a day' is coming out right before my birthday. i want it, i want it, i want it.

xO.r

baggage claim

so friday at 4 i get a call from the paramedics sayin my moms been in a car accident, scared the shit outta me til i saw her at tha health science hospital and she was completely fine, thank god. only has some muscles pain which is extremely unbelievable if you saw the car. completely wrecked . autopac called and wrote it off. we were prayin to get at least 5 g`z for it but they called givin us 7. ahah but our ghetto asses are pushin for 8 . lol never satisfied. speakin on never satisfied, im still working two jobs, worked at claires and perkins yesterday but just workin at claires today. paaydays on fridaay wooooo baby !! im still looking for that perfect leather jacket. found 2 new styles at dynamite and le chateau but im still loooooooking for one similar to jennifer hudsons in the music video spotlight lol . GOTTA SIGN ON FOR UOFM SUMMER SESSIONS ! seriously i need to get this shit done. anyways i work soon so imma watch some good ol` dr.phil. lots of loove .

xO.r